What I Crave

Blogging Life is completely different than experiencing it. Yet, the blog posts remain as some sort of living text of who you were. In a desperate need to reconnect with my own brain, I searched for my old blogs. Oh, the memories. The embarrassments, the triumphs, the utter silliness! It felt good to reconnect with her.

Tonight I seek the same forum that I craved then. A space to put my thoughts publicly and have them received in whatever fashion they will be.

As life happens, things change. Brett and I spent a tumultuous four years together. I think about halfway in, we both knew it would never be what we wanted, but we just couldn't quit each other. I loved him the day we broke up, and I love him still; just for the life he breathed into me, and I into him, not for the relationship gone. We served each other terribly, but we also served each other well.

I also recognize the value of the time we spent in that relationship. If we hadn't, we never would have met our Intendeds. I hear that Brett is married now, and I am well on my way towards that with the soul twin I have always ached for (beyond Beth). Our mom always told us that we needed to find matches outside of our twinship. I never felt like I found it with anyone, although I realized early that my Twinkie had found it with her man.Then, in August 2015, I found it too.

I really could live without personal space if it meant more time with him. We "read" the same books, enjoy the same activities, and are reduced to giggle-fits over the same types of humor. He always notices beauty in me, even when I don't feel beautiful.When I make a gesture of affection (even the smallest), he praises it. Except for my female friendships, I've never felt so safe or close to someone.

None of this even touches on how supportive he is of my life; how he prays for me daily or leads our family. He lets me exist in whatever capacity I need, without qualifying it in any way. If I need to work all night, I have quiet, space, and food (not prepared by me). If I need one on one time, I have a fire, adult beverages, and a consistent flow of good tunes. He simply gives so much because he knows what the smile will look like on my face when I receive what he does.

Let's finish this strong, my Love!